What side we choose...

What side we choose...

The mistery one, were we hide all about ourselves, we play the cozy roles were we know we are on top, we make no mistakes, we rule the game.

Or

The honest one

It is such a big difference , this honesty has so many faces. Even if you don’t lie about your facts, your actions, sometimes over your feelings….. you still can lie so easy.

Just pick the right words and stop when it becomes to deep. Just show the surface. Nothing that can touch or hurt you ever comes out.

I wonder if any of the people that ever met me wondered what is behind this nice polished surface. What is this mask hiding. A lot of pain , sufferings from the past, all my past. To take this out I need so much trust. Trust in myself first. Trust that I can handle this. Trust that I will not go insane after I take all out. Not that I am so close to normality now. It is a long way in front of me. A very difficult one. I wonder who will be the person that will come to the end of it. The one I am now will lose herself on the way.

I started all this because alot of my friends told me i show an unapproachable image. I thought about myself untill now that i am quite sociable and friendly. Ironic..... it is quite the opposite. But also I wonder if the unapproachable attitude it is so noticeable , how thick is the wall i built between me and the others. How scared am I of getting hurt...again....and again. Why I let myself, my life , my actions.. all of me be lead by fear. Fear holds us back. If we listen to Yoda, " fear finally leads us to suffering". So there is my unswer .... fear leaded me to suffering. It was quite simple after all.

I will talk about the courage to step out of fear next time ......

This was supposed to be an article about volunteer work. I try to write it for a week now.

Well we will do that one also sometime this night :)