The Big Day!...... or is it?

Lately my facebook home page is being assaulted with a lot of wedding albums shared by proud brides, grooms, brides mades and photographers who unfortunately discovered their talent on this kind of events due to the so cultural Romanian life.

I realized how time is giving its print to this events how the pictures changed, the brides dresses are much more styled from the times when i was a bride how the main actors faces are younger and younger but their hopeful smiles are the same. Eyes full of joy and trust in the future to come and in the love they bare for one another.

And then I wonder...... how long is going to take for them to realize that the fairytale is not a fairytale after all. I am sure some of them will see at one point that it is more than that and for some it will be better. They will grow to appreciate the mutual respect and the friendship that this kind of contract needs in order for it to work. Or they will just crunch their teeth and realize there is no other way now since the baby was already produced in that first year when the love was still there.

And slowly the will lo live this life at it’s full potential will vanish and some other hobbies will come in their life, anything just to make the time pass and make the pain easier.

Maybe I say this because of my failed marriage, because I finally realized that no new hobby will make the pain easier. ( And trust me I tried many) . Or maybe I say this because every time I see a new wedding album on my facebook home page I want to scream and tell them stop making a joke out of Love. Feel first and think after cos later when you will be tired of thinking the feeling you will have will kill you. Realize that Love is not this needy feeling that you have every time you look at the “loved” one. It is not the control or the changes you try to pressure on him/her. It is not the addiction you feel for that person and it is not the safe feeling you get from being a couple.

Love is so much more that many of us never get to understand it and feel it at it’s right. It is the most selfless act, it is the most surrendering and it is full commitment, something that it has to come from your soul and not from some society or religious rules.

Congratulations on The Big Day:)

Life at DRH :)

Carpe Diem

"Seize the Day"

Carpe diem is a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace. It is popularly translated as "seize the day". Carpe means "pick, pluck, pluck off, gather", but Horace uses the word to mean "enjoy, make use of."

In Horace, the phrase is part of the longer Carpe diem quam minime credula postero – "Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future", and the ode says that the future is unknowable, and that instead one should scale back one's hopes to a brief future, and drink one's wine.

" And if not now, when? "

The End.....

Why we lose focus? Why we let egos destroy love? Why we are not mature and responsible regarding our lives our relationships our love?

We start such complex and painful conflicts based on our hard convictions. Convictions that we don't realize what they are anymore. They are us now. When we finally start to open our eyes and see the long gone purpose the messed trust in ourselves and others we cut our feet in the little pieces of broken glass ….. glass that was our heart…. our soul……. and then, you see why you always have to be yourself.

Today I was crying in a parking lot holding in my arms a beautiful soul. The one that was my husband my closest friend the most intimate person in my life. The one that told me he loves me and ………… All is gone, I have 10 years of amazing memories left, a broken heart and a confused soul. I did this to myself for not allowing me to be ME.

I have the memory of this moment when we both cried in each others arms for the last time.

Ice Princess

The princess.....

All my life i had questions. Questions about me , were i come from, who are my parents ( i always thought i am adopted), what I have to do here, why I have such limited experiences...... what is the world and why I can't go there anytime I want.

Even tho i am a natural brown hair , when I was about 16 I turned blonde and then brown hair again and finally blonde for good. I don't know how to explain this but for me to be blonde is more than just a hair colour. Is a very deep feeling. Is purity, is inocence, is someone who needs to be protected and loved.

And then it was always this feeling that I am better , I am above all. Always just a feeling. And after that comes the attitude. The superiority attitude. I had this all my life. Is not coming from my present actions or accomplishments. Is not from this life, and I am not sure were it comes from. But it was always in me, natural making me a very detached person who is looking from above at others, who knows there is a big difference between me and the rest. Like i have royal blood or something. I always stay calm wayting for others to do things for me, wayting for all I want to just drop at my feet..... feelings, things, people.... And somehow all my life all this happened. No metter the situation all came to me.

And then is the deep feeling of lonelyness. Always above others, always to demanding....this makes you lonely. Very very lonely. Because nothing and noone is good enough for you.

The story.......

I grew up and mannaged to escape from home, from under my parents, I gained my freedom, my independence. Always lonely, always demanding , always thinking all I want is ment for me.
I got married with the exact replica of my younger father, I was on my way. Or so i thought at that time. This was my life untill I turned 28.

The Test......

And then ....... this day came and the Universe hit me in the head. I wondered what was that. Why me ? What this means..... maybe because i never belived God is an old man watching us and wayting for us to make a mistake, maybe He is telling me now " hey, here I am and you never belived in me , take it now". I asked if this is a test. If i will pass it.
I passed the test.....

But after that I realized the real test is going to start. Will I pass that one? I am still trying to pass it. I am still in the middle of the exam.

The conclusion.......

I feel like a princess. But I can see it now. I see Her. She is making me lonely and sad. She doesn't let me feel to the end, enjoy all to it's max, love until I can't breath anymore.
Ironicaly my name means "noble" but I will not feel that way until I will put my princess to sleep. Until i will be able to look at all people as they are my equals, my friends, my companions....
Untill i will be able to feel all like it is the last thing for me on this earth. To love until I can't breath anymore. To enjoy every second of my present life like it is my last second. To live this life as a feeling . Because we are feelings.

Just do it !

Latelly .... in the past year to be more exact i thought alot about me and my life. Things I did, thingd i didn't .. wishes that i fulfilled and some i didn't even try to.

And after I asked myself if i am happy. The amswer was lame, not happy not unhappy either.
And then , another question came. Do I like it like this? Not knowing , not living , not....

I think alot about my life. The choices i made. Was I the one who made them? Or maybe was the fear in me who did. I always chose the safe way. The path i know is the one who leads me to success. But were is the fun? Maybe if I want happyness i have to choose the other path. Not safe, not known but you feel alive walking on it . You can actually enjoy the road because is a new one and you (I) need curage to walk on it. So for me is all a metter of choices. And curage to listen to myself and take the other path. And for once enjoy it and be happy.

Robert Frost - The Road Not Taken

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
t wo roads diverged in a wood, and I ..
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"

Make sure YOU are the one who makes the choice, and choose yourself....